网帖翻译

（文章1）

How do Asians define success? What does success mean to an Asian person?

亚洲人如何定义成功?对亚洲人来说，成功意味着什么?

For different Asians living in different parts of the world, success crops up in various forms.

对于生活在世界不同地区的不同亚洲人来说，成功有着不同的定义。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Success in general is hard to define. For some, success is coming in first in class or landing that dream job. For others, it is finishing an entire 12-inch pizza by themselves. But to put it simply, success is considered personal achievements, achievements sometimes influenced by society’s expectations .

一般来说，成功是很难定义的。对一些人来说，成功是班级成绩第一或找到理想的工作。对另一些人来说，成功是独自吃完一整个12英寸的披萨。但简单地说，成功被认为是个人的成就，成就有时受到社会期望的影响。

Long-held Asian beliefs and customs are at very the heart of livelihoods in many parts of Asia. The mentality of success here, also usually shared by the older Asian generation, tends to be steeped in Asian traditions.

长期以来，亚洲人的信仰和习俗是亚洲许多地区生活的核心。这里的成功心态通常也是老一代亚洲人所共有的，这种心态往往遵循着亚洲传统文化。

Success for many Asians in Asia often means finishing that law, medicine, business or science degree.

对于生活在亚洲的许多亚洲人来说，成功通常意味着获得法律、医学、商业或科学学位。

Getting a job in one of these fields. Or a job in an air-conditioned, sky-high office building.

意味着在这些领域找到一份工作。或者在有空调的摩天大楼里工作。

Getting hitched at a certain age. With someone of the same race.

意味着到了一定年纪就和同一种族的人结婚。

Completing a recreational qualification such as a Grade 8 piano certificate.

意味着获得一项艺术资格认证，如钢琴八级证书。

This “traditional Asian success” in this sense is about gaining formal qualifications, attaining status recognition signified by a signed piece of paper, and in essence is quite self-attention grabbing.

从这个意义上说，这种“传统的亚洲式成功”是获得正式的资格证书，通过签署一份文件获得地位认可，本质上是一种自我关注。

Spending time doing something that does not guarantee an official statement of some sort in return is often looked down upon in Asia and by many Asian baby boomers. When I was hosting radio programs on SYN 90.7FM, my mum always asked me, “Does anyone tune in? Are you hosting next week? You have a Maths exam next week, you really should stay home. Stay home.”

花时间做一些不能保证得到某种官方认可的事情，往往会被亚洲人和许多亚洲婴儿潮一代看不起。当我在SYN 90.7FM主持广播节目时，我妈妈总是问我:“有人收听吗?下周还是你主持吗?你下周有数学考试，你真的应该待在家里。”
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Perhaps many Asians in Asia are pressured by the older generation to uphold typical Asian ideals, to make the family proud, and so that is how they think of success. Perhaps many just go along with the flow.

许多生活在亚洲的亚洲人受到老一辈的压力，只能选择追求典型的亚洲理想，以求让家人感到骄傲，这或许就是他们对成功的看法。很多人只是随波逐流。

On the flipside, success for Asians living in Western countries can deviate quite a bit from the ideas of “traditional Asian success”. Many Asians in the West, especially those born here and/or who have lived here for an extended period of time, carry on their shoulders conflicted Asian-Western identities and rarely feel a sense of belonging wherever they are. Asians in this part of the world are also exposed to diverse, non-Asian perspectives which might very well influence their definition of success, “modern Asian success.”

而相反，生活在西方国家的亚洲人眼中的成功可能与“传统的亚洲式成功”的观念大相径庭。许多在西方的亚洲人，尤其是那些在这里出生和/或在这里生活了很长一段时间的亚洲人，肩上背负着相互矛盾的亚洲-西方身份，无论身在何处，他们都很少有归属感。这个地区的亚洲人也接触到了不同的、非亚洲的观点，这很可能会影响他们对成功的定义，即“现代的亚洲式成功”。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Success for Asians in Western countries can mean having the chance to pursue creative artsy pursuits and passions.

在西方国家生活的亚洲人认为成功意味着有机会追求创造性的艺术和充满激情地生活。

Being single for as long as they want to.

意味着想单身多久就单身多久。

Helping the less fortunate for nothing in return.

意味着不求回报地帮助那些不幸的人。

At least that is how I measure success as an Asian Australian living in Melbourne. Other Asian Australians might very well think otherwise and favour “traditional Asian success”. Who is to say this cannot be so?

至少这是我作为一个生活在墨尔本的亚裔澳大利亚人衡量成功的标准。或许也有其他亚裔澳大利亚人很可能不这么认为，他们喜欢“传统的亚洲式成功”。谁又会说这不可能呢?

“Modern Asian success” manifests ambiguously in ways almost naked to the eye; for Asians in Western countries it may be about finding personal self-assurance and not finally having that particular formal qualification bestowed upon you. Personally, as a Chinese person living in a predominantly Western-centric Australia, I see success as recognising my heritage. A process of self-acceptance, one of self-belief while looking out for the best in others.

“现代的亚洲式成功”的表现方式几乎是赤裸裸的。对于生活在西方国家的亚洲人来说，成功可能是找到个人的自信，而不是最终获得某种特定的资格证书。就我个人而言，作为一个生活在以西方为中心的澳大利亚的中国人，我认为成功就是找到自我。这是一个自我接纳的过程，是一个在寻找他人优点的同时保持自信的过程。

Success to me is recognising that I have dual identities – I take pride in upholding Asian values such as not talking over my elders while at the same time supporting the “Aussie” Australian way of life.

对我来说，成功就是我认识到我有双重身份——我为坚持亚洲的价值观而自豪，比如不顶撞长辈，同时又支持“澳式”的澳大利亚生活方式。

Coming to terms that I neither completely agree with the typical traditional Asian mentality nor the Western mindset. And that I am not banana either.

说到这里，我既不完全同意典型的传统亚洲人的心态，也不完全同意西方人的心态。而且我也不是香蕉。

Confidently identifying myself as Asian Australian.

自信地表明自己是亚裔澳大利亚人。

Talking to, and perhaps becoming friends with, Australians of different races.

与不同种族的澳大利亚人交谈，并可能成为朋友。

Helping these people whenever I can.

尽我所能地帮助其他人。

Above all having the courage to break away from the Asian stereotype no matter what those close to me say and just be who I want to be.

最重要的是，无论身边的人怎么说，我都要有勇气打破别人对亚洲人的刻板印象，做我想做的自己。

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（文章二）

ASIAN GIRLS lixING ARMS: A CULTURAL THING?

亚洲女孩手牵着手是一种文化吗?
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Fact: many Asian girls lix arms when they are out and about.

事实:很多亚洲女孩出门时都手牵着手。

When I lived in Malaysia and Singapore, I saw Asian girls and women walking in pairs through shopping malls with arms lixed around the elbows, touching skin-on-skin. Sometimes I saw them even holding hands, walking and chatting with one another. Today whenever I troop down to Melbourne’s Chinatown, my eye will never fail to spy similar scenes.

当我住在马来西亚和新加坡时，我看到亚洲女孩和女人成双成对地走在商场里，胳膊挽着胳膊，皮肤相互贴着。有时我看到她们甚至手牵着手，一起散步和聊天。甚至今天，每当我来到墨尔本的唐人街，我的眼睛总能看到类似的场景。

Just what does it mean when Asian girls lix arms, and why do they do it so frequently? Googling this trend, it seems Asian men in certain Asian countries do this as well.

亚洲女孩牵着手到底意味着什么，为什么她们这么频繁地这样做?在谷歌上搜索一下这一现象，似乎某些亚洲国家的亚洲男性也会这样做。

This phenomenon has been discussed here and there on some online forums. There is no concrete evidence as to where it originated from, so we can only speculate the reasons why Asian girls are fans of lixing arms today.

这一现象已经在一些在线论坛上被讨论过了。没有具体的证据表明它起源于哪里，所以我们只能推测为什么亚洲女孩喜欢牵着手。

Contrary to popular belief, the sight of two Asian girls hooking their arms around one another usually does not signify that sexual behaviour is going on between them. Most of the time, it does not mean that both are in a homosexual relationship with one another or silently screaming “I love you” to the other – which is what many Westerners commonly think. lixing arms also tends not to be a means of physical protection or ganging up gung-ho style.

与普遍的看法相反，看到两个亚洲女孩搂着对方并不意味着她们之间发生了性行为。大多数情况下，这并不意味着双方是同性恋关系，也不是像许多西方人通常认为的那样，是表达“我爱你”的一种方式。手牵着手也不是一种身体保护或联合起来的方式。

Putting this phenomenon down to a “cultural thing”, and “Asian thing”, is arguably a very reasonable explanation for it.

将这种现象归结为“文化因素”和“亚洲因素”，可以说是一个非常合理的解释。

This act of lixing arms on part of Asian girls – and some Asian boys, women, men – can be seen as an unconscious means to express hidden, pent-up emotional affection. After all, it is human nature to have intimate feelings towards other people and a desire to express that.

这些亚洲女孩——以及一些亚洲男孩、女人、男人——牵着手的行为可以被视为一种无意识的方式来表达隐藏的、被压抑的情感。毕竟，对他人有亲密的感情和表达这种感情的愿望是人类的本能。

Kissing and hugging with the opposite sex in public is deemed rude in Asian cultures. In fact, showing physical affection to your heterosexual partner is often frowned upon and shunned in many conservative Asian societies. So where can Asian individuals express built-up affectionate emotions and with whom?

在亚洲文化中，在公共场合与异性接吻和拥抱被认为是不文明的行为。事实上，在许多保守的亚洲社会，对异性恋伴侣表现出身体上的亲昵通常是不被允许和需要回避的。那么，亚洲人可以在哪里以及与谁表达被压抑的情感呢?

With the same sex of course. lixing arms/holding hands is as close as an Asian girl will get to another person outside of a heterosexual relationship. Acting touchy-feely with other Asian girls – for example playing with each other’s hair or putting make-up on one another – is constantly seen as cute in Asian communities.Also, Asian girls and boys are encouraged to stick closely with other girls and boys respectively, be it in the classroom or playground, by their parents from a young age up until their twenties. So an Asian girl out on the town might be unknowingly channeling any underlying affection she may have towards a (male) person she is attracted to through lixing arms with a girl friend – and in the eyes of conventional Asian society, “arming up” with a girl is an acceptable act.

当然是和同性。手牵着手是亚洲女孩在异性恋关系之外与另一个人最亲近的方式。在亚洲社会，与其他亚洲女孩亲密接触——比如互相抚摸对方的头发或给对方化妆——一直被视为可爱。此外，亚洲女孩和男孩从小到20多岁，父母都鼓励他们分别在教室或操场上与其他同性女孩和男孩亲密接触。因此，一个外出的亚洲女孩可能会在下意识的情况下，通过与自己的女性朋友牵起手来，将自己对心仪男性的潜在情感传递出去——在传统的亚洲社会眼中，与女孩“牵起手来”是一种可以被接受的行为。

Or perhaps these Asian girls are just so accustomed to playing with their Asian female friends in intimate ways or maybe even attracted to one another in the harmless non-sexual girly “I-like you-a lot” sense, and so why not intimately wrangle their arms round one another? It’s just natural for them.

又或者这些亚洲女孩只是习惯了和她们的亚洲女性朋友亲密地接触，或者甚至被彼此吸引，产生一种纯粹的、非性欲的“我很喜欢你”，所以为什么不亲密地搂着对方呢?这对她们来说是很自然的。

Another probable reason why Asian girls like to lix arms or hold hands can be attributed to their obsession to look young and feel young – there are dozens of whitening anti-aging products in Asia fervently sought after by Asians. Holding hands is strongly associated with children: in school, children are always buddied-up and asked to line up in pairs holding hands in school during excursions or fire drills. As such, lixing arms might very well hearten Asian girls to feel young again.

亚洲女孩喜欢手牵着手的另一个原因可能是她们想要感到自己很年轻——亚洲有几十种美白抗衰老产品受到亚洲人的热烈追捧。牵手与孩子有着密切的联系:在学校里，孩子们总是结伴而行，在远足或参加消防演习时，他们总是被要求成双成对地牵着手排队。因此，手牵着手很可能会让亚洲女孩重新感到自己很年轻。

And yet another logical explanation for this phenomenon is that it is a means whereby Asians convey friendship. A symbol of mutual friendship, plain and simple. Friendship is articulated in various forms: listening, sharing, hugging. So why not lixing arms and holding hands? There’s no reason why lixing arms or entwining hands can’t be an “Asian-code” of friendship, expressed by two Asian people who are very good friends.

对这一现象的另一个合理解释是，这是亚洲人表达友谊的一种方式。这是友谊的象征，朴素而简单。友谊有多种表现形式：倾听、分享、拥抱。那么为什么不能牵着手呢?如果两个亚洲人是非常要好的朋友，手牵着手怎能不成为一种“亚洲友谊准则”呢?

However, there is the possibility that this whole lixing arms trend is really more a personal thing rather than a cultural one. That is, whether one lixs arms with their friends may depend solely on their personal preference and perspective on life.

然而，有一种可能性是，这种手牵着手的行为实际上更多的是一种个人行为，而不是一种文化。也就是说，一个人是否愿意和朋友手牵着手可能完全取决于他们的个人偏好和对生活的看法。

Some Asians might find lixing arms amicably with the same sex unsettling and surely not all of them like to do so. I know some of my Asian friends who find casually lixing arms with the same sex as bizarre. Also, older Asians don’t seem to do it too often, so perhaps it’s a generational thing too?

当然并不是所有人都喜欢这样做，一些亚洲人可能会觉得与同性友好地手牵着手会令人感到不安。我知道我的一些亚洲朋友觉得和同性随意手牵着手很奇怪。而且，年长的亚洲人似乎也不太经常这样做，所以这可能也是在这一代人中经常会发生的事情?

I don’t mind lixing arms with my female partners in crime. On the occasions they hook their left arm over my right, I don’t obxt.

我不介意和我的女同伴手牵着手。有时她们用左臂勾住我的右臂，我也不会反对。

In such a promiscuous world today, it would be nice if we could all come to see the sight of two Asian girls lixing arms as no more than two friends enjoying each other’s company. Why not?

在当今这样一个物欲横流的世界里，如果我们都能看到两个亚洲女孩手牵着手，就像两个朋友一样享受彼此的陪伴，那就太好了。为什么不呢?

（文章一评论）

Jessica
What a wonderful post. And so true. I’m not Asian (obviously), but having lived there for three years and dated a local Hong Kong guy, I know that what you say is true. It is good to have tradition, but good to see that some from the younger generation are beginning to not stick to tradition for tradition’s sake. A balance is needed for relevance in this ever-changing world.

多么精彩的帖子啊。确实如此。我不是亚洲人(很明显)，但我在那里住了三年，和一个香港人约会过，我知道你说的是真的。有传统是好的，但看到年轻一代中的一些人开始不拘泥于传统也是一件好事。在这个不断变化的世界中，需要一种平衡。

Mabel Kwong
I agree. In this changing, capitalist, fast-paced and above all crazy world that we live in today that balance is the key to staying sane and living a life with purpose. Balancing tradition and modern ideas/beliefs is no easy feat. Sometime, someplace, somehow, in some situation, tradition and the modern will be at loggerheads with each other. But when that happens, I guess it’s best to roll with the punches and look at what lies ahead.

我同意。在这个不断变化的、资本主义的、快节奏的、最重要的是疯狂的世界里，我们生活在今天，平衡是保持理智和有目的的生活的关键。平衡传统和现代思想/信仰不是一件容易的事。有时候，在某个地方，在某种情况下，传统和现代思想会发生冲突。但当这种情况发生的时候，我想最好是顺其自然，看看未来会发生什么。

kertus
I’ve been conforming all my life and I hate it. My goal now is to isolate myself from society and live by myself in rural Victoria.

我一辈子都在循规蹈矩，我现在已经厌倦了。我现在的目标是把自己从社会中孤立出来，一个人住在维多利亚的乡下。

Mabel Kwong
Conforming to stereotypes and striving towards being brainy in Asian cultures is still very much prided upon today (within Asian families). But that’s not to say Asians can’t be proactive and step out of the typical stereotypical mould and chase their dreams. Sometimes, traditional Asian values do have their benefits – e.g. studying hard, because studying hard will almost certainly guarantee us a livelihood. Perhaps it’s about finding a balance between believing in tradition and having faith in new ideas. Both have benefits in different contexts.

在亚洲文化中，遵循传统并努力变得聪明，在今天(在亚洲家庭中)仍然是非常令人值得骄傲的事情。但这并不是说亚洲人不能积极主动，走出典型的刻板印象，追求自己的梦想。有时候，传统的亚洲价值观也有其好处，比如努力学习，因为努力学习几乎可以保证我们可以生活下去。也许我们需要在信仰传统和信仰新思想之间找到平衡。两者在不同的情况下各有利弊。

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（文章二评论）

redearthbluesky
I had an attractive female Chinese friend in Sydney who used to walk around holding hands with another attractive Chinese female. They were just friends but sometimes little kids would say, “Look mum, lesbians!” while dirty old men would smile as they imagined a fantasy involving the two ladies.
I saw a lot of the same-sex touching in Japan and China and I attributed it to repressed intimacy that you mentioned. In Japan, it was very common between mother and daughter and because lots of marriages formed out of convenience rather than love, I believed a lot of Japanese wives got intimacy through children rather than husbands. In China I think a lot of marriages also formed for reasons other than love and there was also a great deal of touching between females, but I didn’t see as much between mother and daughter.
I think Asians are probably more comfortable with the same sex touching because homosexuality is not really visible in Asian society. Many homosexuals actually enter into fake marriages to keep their sexuality hidden. Ironically, I think this denial of homosexuality makes people more comfortable with appearing to be gay. As far as many Asians are concerned, it is only in western society where homosexuality is common.

我住在悉尼，有一个漂亮的中国女朋友，她经常和另一个漂亮的中国女性手牵手。她们只是朋友，但有时一些小孩子会指着她们说，“看，妈妈，这里有一对女同性恋!“而一些肮脏的老男人则会微笑着幻想与这两位女士有关的情景。我在日本和中国看到了很多同性之间的接触，我把它归因于你所提到的压抑的亲密关系。在日本，母女之间的亲密关系是很常见的，因为很多婚姻是出于方便而不是爱，我相信很多日本妻子是通过孩子而不是丈夫来获得亲密感的。在中国，我认为很多婚姻也不是因为爱而形成的，女性之间也有很多接触，但我没有看到中国的母女之间有那么多接触。我认为亚洲人可能更能接受同性之间的接触，因为同性恋在亚洲社会并不会明显地展现在公开场合。许多同性恋者实际上是通过假婚姻来隐藏自己的性取向的。具有讽刺意味的是，我认为这种对同性恋的否认让人们更容易接受自己是同性恋。因此在许多亚洲人看来，同性恋只有在西方社会才很普遍。

Mabel Kwong
Very true. In most Asian societies, homosexuality is taboo, so taboo that it is sort of taboo to even think about it and acknowledge it. One gets immediately shushed by someone else if they dare speak about this topic. So perhaps that’s why same sex touching is associated as playful gestures here.
Often, a lot of Westerners I’ve encountered in Melbourne find it hard to believe that girl-on-girl harmless-non-sexual touching is just, well, just that – and this really reinforces what you’ve just mentioned.

你说的很对。在大多数亚洲社会，同性恋是禁忌，禁忌到连想都不敢想，甚至不敢承认。如果一个人敢谈论这个话题，他会立即被其他人嘲讽。所以也许这就是为什么同性之间的接触在亚洲被认为是有趣的行为。通常，我在墨尔本遇到的很多西方人很难相信女孩之间的接触只是纯粹的友谊，嗯，就是这样——这确实印证了你刚才所提到的。

Hsin-Yi
Excellent and insightful piece Mabel! You are always so observant! Now that you mentioned it, I have seen a lot of Asian girls lixing arms. Although I don’t lix arms with my friends, I still think it’s nice, and we have to remember friendships are expressed in different cultures. For example in ancient China, men like to go out with their buddies for drinks in tea houses, or sit around and talk about Jiang-Hu affairs (in ancient times, Jiang Hu means the society, the community etc…it’s a bit hard to explain). Or, gather round for a game of Mahjong.
For some people, they are not used to seeing same sex friends lixing arms without thinking they are romantic partners. My mother, who was born and grew up in Vietnam, said it’s a common thing for girls to lix arms when they are going out.
A lot of people have dirty minds these days, and like to judge people like they’ve known them already. I often find people laugh at wholesomeness these days and I don’t understand why. Back then, wholesomeness was regarded as a positive virtue but unfortunately this idea is no longer safe guarded. A lot of people’s minds these days are corrupted with materialism, cheap entertainment, de-sensitised to misery and misfortunate (unless it falls on them and they demand sympathy), selfishness, self-centredness, sex, debauchery and the unfailing ability to improve oneself in literacy levels. (Sorry I am going off topic here!).
In a culturally diverse society we live in, I think it’s important to remind ourselves we are all brought up with different customs. So if we see anything unusual to us, we need to be open-minded and understand that some things are normal in different societies.

梅布尔，这篇文章很有见地!你总是那么善于观察!你提到你看到了很多亚洲女孩手牵着手。虽然我不和我的朋友手牵着手，但我仍然认为这很好，我们必须记住，友谊在不同的文化中表达的方式是不同的。例如，在中国古代，男人喜欢和朋友一起去茶馆喝酒，或者围坐在一起谈论江湖轶事(在古代，江湖就意味着社会，社区等……这可能有点难以解释)。或者，聚在一起打麻将。对于一些人来说，他们不习惯看到同性朋友手牵着手而认为她们是恋人关系。而我的母亲在越南出生和长大，她却说女孩们出门时手牵着手是很常见的事情。现在很多人的思想都很肮脏，喜欢对别人评头论足，就好像他们已经了解了别人一样。最近我经常发现一些人在嘲笑别人健康的思想，我不明白这是为什么。拥有健康的思想在以前被认为是一种优秀的品质，但不幸的是，这种想法不再是完全正确的了。如今，很多人的思想都被物质主义和廉价的娱乐所腐蚀，对别人的痛苦和不幸感到麻木(除非它降临在他们身上，他们就会要求别人同情他们)，自私、以自我为中心、放荡地追求性欲。(对不起，我跑题了!)在我们生活的这个文化多元的社会里，我认为重要的是要提醒自己，我们都是在不同的习俗中长大的。因此，如果我们看到任何对我们来说不寻常的事情，我们需要保持开放的心态，并理解在不同的社会中有些事情是很正常的。

redearthbluesky
Hsin-Yi,You’ll find your answer for why wholesomeness went out of fashion by visiting the Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras. Basically, the wholesome mind was judged to be a mind that didn’t accept differences of sexual orientation, cultural diversity nor accept the expression of sexual desire. The gays reacted to that by vilifying the conservatives and acting in a very sexual liberal manner within a public setting. It can actually be hard to be both wholesome and open-minded at the same time because one is about restraint while the other is about being liberal.
Anyway, back onto the interpretation of women holding hands, as far as most Australians are concerned, it is not abnormal, it is just that holding hands is something only couples do so if two women are holding hands, the assumption is that they are gay.
On this issue, I personally think the important thing is to remember that actions are interpreted differently by different cultures. For example, if I were in Japan and wanted to pass food to a date using chop sticks, I would offend the Japanese because they would associate my action with death. In Korea, it would be be flirtatious to pass food using chopsticks. So knowing that I would offend, I would be faced with the choice between being misunderstood or just changing. If people believe strongly in something, it’s best not to change but sometimes just adapting makes things easier all around.

通过参加同性恋狂欢节，你会找到为什么健康的思想不再被推崇的答案。基本上，健康的思想被认为是一种不接受性取向差异，文化多样性，也不接受性欲表达的思想。同性恋者对此的回应是诋毁保守派，在公共场合表现出非常自由的性行为。实际上，同时保持健康和开放的思想是很难的，因为一个是关于克制的，而另一个是关于自由的。不管怎样，回到对女性之间手牵着手的话题上，就大多数澳大利亚人看来，这并不是不正常的，只是牵手是夫妻才会做的事情，所以如果两个女人手牵着手，人们就会认为她们是同性恋。在这个问题上，我个人认为重要的是要记住，不同的文化对同一行为的看法是不同的。例如，如果我在日本用筷子把食物递给我的约会对象，我就会冒犯他，因为他们会把我的行为和死亡联系在一起。在韩国，用筷子给对方传递食物是调情的行为。因此，如果我知道我会冒犯别人，我就会改变我的行为而不是宁可被对方误解也要坚持我的行为。如果人们坚信某件事，最好不要试图改变他的想法，但有时入乡随俗会让事情变得更容易。